If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
