I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
