Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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