Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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