I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
