I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cat gives me a boner
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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