I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You took a bar mat shot.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize