look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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