I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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