I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
