We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
