I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
