you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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