i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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