To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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