:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Too much gin, very little bucket
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
