I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
