do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
