Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
