im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
