is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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