so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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