you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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