I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
