u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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