someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize