saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm like, not good at living.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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