Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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