A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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