I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, beer. Big fan.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize