I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
