I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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