Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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