I accidentally had phone sex last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
