They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
