I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize