my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your cock deserves a montage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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