i already hear my dad disowning me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
