So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
