i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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