Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
