We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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