just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize