I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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