I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so explain again why im purple
no
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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