no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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