i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He passed out mid-signature
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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