I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
