I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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