I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
