I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
