I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
