Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish I only lived at night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
