is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
