You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
