It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
