I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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