But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i think i just lost a toe
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
