yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
