Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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