I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
