Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
