i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
