my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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