sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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