yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
