we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
